Give Up (a.k.a. How to Be Happy)
“There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieved the second.”
-Logan Pearsall Smith
What is the biggest problem in your Pilates life? Maybe you’re a student who has trouble making it through a class, or don’t have the body you want after years of work. Maybe you’re a teacher who feels discouraged or unsure about your career choice. Whatever it is that is bothering you, let me offer the solution: Give up. No, really. Give up. Right now.
We share a collective fantasy about how life works. It goes something like this: Make a plan, work consistently hard at your plan, never give up, and your dreams will come true. Happily ever after. The end. There are 2 massive problems that make this a fantasy. The first problem is that other people exist. These other people have their own opinions, desires, and way of doing things that are usually different from your way. They also have their expectations of the world, including you. Trying to enforce your expectations on others creates disagreement in every part of life, from how many reformer springs should be used during footwork to full-blown geopolitical conflicts. There isn’t a lot you can do about this first problem. Interacting with others is just part of the package. The second problem with the ‘happily ever after” fantasy, the one you actually can do something about, is Hedonic Adaptation.
Hedonic Adaptation is a psychological process where you return to a “baseline” of happiness following a positive or negative experience. Anyone who’s purchased a new iPhone is familiar with this. Your new phone seems shiny and beautiful at first. You’re excited to every time you use it and clean it religiously. A few weeks go by, and the honeymoon is over. Apple just announced their brand new iPhone that you can wear on your finger and can summon homing pigeons. If you just had that new phone THEN you’d be satisfied.
This same concept applies to Pilates. The honeymoon period in the first few months after you begin practicing or teaching is the most exciting. You see and feel results quickly. Then, of course, you adapt. The beginner class that you once couldn’t make it through is no longer challenging enough, so you move up to the intermediate class. Problem solved…for now. Soon enough you’ll run into the same wall. Maybe your goal was to lose 15 pounds. Congrats, you did it! Now what? Well now you want to lose 15 more pounds, or have a visible six pack. The list goes on and on. You keep chasing the mythical happiness carrot on a stick that you never actually reach. In the meantime, you completely forget how far you’ve come in the process. All of the challenges you overcame seem trivial. Here’s the part that truly sucks: Whatever current mountain you’re climbing, when you reach the top, you’ll just see a taller mountain. You will never arrive at the top. Ready to give up yet?
Well, I’ve got some good news: I don’t want you to give up everything. Don’t give up trying to climb mountains. Don’t give up striving for more. Don’t give up your belief that you can change for the better.
What you do need to give up is your expectations. Give up the idea that you will be happy once your current problems are solved. Give up any notion of where you “should” be. Give up the idea that things should work out exactly as you planned. Give up expecting others to respond exactly as you think they should. To put it more directly: Give up being the most important person in the world and start focusing on the journey itself, because that's all there is. It's the struggle that makes life worth living.
Now get out there and give up.
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